Starting Over....reboot

Time goes quickly and we never know what life will send us...Happiness, sadness, tragedy,celebration and on and on. Life is not so much about what God sends us, it is about how we receive it and respond. Mostly, did we learn and grow? Did we retain what we learned for the next time? Unfortunately, for most of us the answer to that is yes and no. We often times learn from the immediate but forget in the long term. Just like dieting we know it is better for us to eat healthy foods and we often times do it in the short term but revert back to bad eating habits in the long term. I am not sure why that is other than we are human, and learning lessons are not supposed to be easy. I wish I could learn every lesson the first time.. life would definitely be a lot easier. But each time we hit the proverbial wall we learn a new facet to the lesson, something we didn't know or get the first time....or second....or third, you get the picture. When is enough.....enough? That answer I believe is different for us all. Like pieces to a puzzle, each of us are unique and can sometimes fit into places that are not a perfect fit. We are never at rest until the fit is perfect. Me, I am still looking for my perfect fit and trying hard not to be to comfortable with the less than perfect fit. I am at the point in my life that it is time to nudge myself forward, work harder at learning so I can turn the page to the next chapter in my life!

Accepting the life that we have

The word accepting send shivers up most peoples spines. Accepting often means to us we are giving up. Ever think that maybe the word accepting is getting a bum rap?
If we have to accept something, it means the outcome is not what we wanted it to be. But at some point in the human race we translated that into something that is worse than we wanted it to be. We never think something could be better than what we wanted it to be. Pretty arrogant when we think of it that way. Billions of people in the world and each of us want things to go the way we want them to. Just not possible. If we spend more time just taking life as it comes without so many expectations we may find we have happier lives after all. If every day can be a new adventure with endless possibilities and we could accept it as it comes we could exceed our wildest expectations. To never spend time and effort on worrying about things you can't change and living each day as the blessing it is, come what may................. sounds like pure bliss.

Another year....to failure or success?

Well I did it I made it through another year, and managed to not achieve one of my New Years resolutions. So what will I lay claim to as my 2012 resolutions? I resolve to not resolve. I resolve just to live without the constraints of promises to myself that will end in failures. Not that I always fail, but measuring my success in terms of reaching faraway goals that I have set for myself is unrealistic and unfair to me.
Wow, can you really be unfair to yourself? Yes, absolutely! We tend to be harder on ourselves than others ever are, and being hard on ourselves often translates into setting expectations that we will be hard pressed to reach. I think this year needs to be a year of finding success and accomplishment in the small things. The small things are what find their way into becoming big things, things that we want to achieve. As humans we are well....human. We lack patience and want to think that hard things can be accomplished quickly and without trials. It is only in looking back on our accomplishments that we can truly see how much hard work, sacrifice and yes, failures went into the outcome of the success. So this year, I am going to be like the inch worm, crawling slowly and patiently towards the finish line, thankful for every inch of ground that is covered! To the New Year!!!

What goes around, comes around......

How many times have we heard that? I would have to bet more than once.  We like to think when bad things happen and people are involved that they will get whats coming to them.  What exactly would that be? Do we ever wonder if they were good people in the wrong place at the wrong time or in an impossible situation? Probably not.  We like to think that they are just where they wanted to be, doing what they want to be doing, making the choices that they want to make. Maybe so and Maybe not. That's why Gods' the almighty and not us.
The quickest way to find yourself in a position you never thought you would be in.......pass judgement on someone else.....and Shazam you will be wondering how the hell you ended up there. If what goes around comes around, does that mean we might just bump our heads on our latest mistakes?....Food for thought. So the next time you want to let judgement leave your lips......take a minute to look at the situation from a different vantage point. That might just keep God from sending you a lesson you really didn't want but most certainly needed.

Who's to Blame?

How many times can we say....here we are again.  Entirely too many.  The truth of the matter is the only person that can bring us back to somewhere we don't want to be is ourselves.  I don't want to be overweight, yet I continue to do or not do things that keep me in that pattern.  Why????.....the greatest unanswered question in the universe.  How can we change? Only with our own determination.. and a little positive reinforcement always helps. Why does it seem easier at the time to do something we know we shouldn't when the ultimate outcome is we spend a lot of time being upset because we did? It is so easy to dispense the advice that we ourselves are unwilling to heed. What makes us able to do that without overwhelming guilt?  Probably because we can't see our noises despite our face, as the saying goes. Here's to hoping all of us will be able to see our noses soon, before our view is so blocked we tumble and fall down.

A Time for Letting Go......and Hanging On....

When our babies are little they shower us with hugs, kisses and I Love You's. Now that they are older, we know we did not cherish those moments enough. How many times did our parents and other old wise family members tell us the time will pass too quickly? Too many.....and not enough.  We wait now patiently for the hug, or the peck on the cheek, the tangible of their love for us. We survive for long periods of time on the 'I Love You" we receive from our babies and no doubt they will always be our babies no matter the age, until we get the tangible....and the cycle will continue on.  They will have their own babies and we will tell them to cherish the moments of their youth, and they too will find out the hard way.  But we get second chances, to cherish the moments long gone when our children's children become the apple of our eyes, and God give us a chance for a do-over......and hopefully when it happens we get it right.....and that's what makes Grandparents so special!

 To my three babies who are on the journey to being great men!  I Love You!!!

Being truthful with thyself......

One of the hardest things for me to do..... be truthful with myself.  WOW just writing that down stings in the pit of my stomach, I actually feel a little nauseous.  Why do we lie to ourselves?  Is it a form of self preservation? Probably. But at what cost? How often do I make excuses for my shortcomings or mistakes, the answer...more often than not.  It helps me to continue with my bad habits and all the things I want to change, but in another way it helps me carry on without crushing my own self esteem.  The real trick is to balance it just enough to improve yourself a little at a time and not tip the scale the other way to your own detriment. We often think the scariest thing would be for others to know our secrets, but I think the scariest thing is for us to face ourselves and the truth of the secrets we try to hide about ourselves..... we eat too much, drink too much, bitch too much, spend too much, clean too much, don't clean enough, were to aggressive, too passive, and a million and one other things. But a question for thought, how perfect can we become? Perfection is an mirage that disappears just as we think we are reaching it. I just think I'm looking for a better me, one I don't have to lie too, just a me that I can be ok with.....in essence my imperfect me. 
Self discovery, the destination that's worth the journey....

The best laid plans of mice and men........

How many times have I committed to do something for myself, only to end up missing the mark and disappointing myself... Well the truthful answer to that is more often than not. So once again, here I am trying to make sense of why I am not where I want to be.... with my weight, my finances and so on. The energy I consume worrying about doing something is far more that it would take for me to do the things I need to do for myself.  I guess the key word is myself.  It's just so easy to disappoint myself instead of disappointing others. That is is the real root of the problem I suppose...or maybe we could just call it being human. Wanting to be better at living our lives is the nature of the beast, and every so often we succeed which allows us to continue. Some of us are further along in our journey and our successes are closer together, and our disappointments further away........and then there are the rest of us that still have a ways to go. Be patient and pray for us, and hopefully we will keep getting a little better every day..Here's to hoping,as long as were trying the odds are in our favor!

                                                              Long as we haven't run out of plans

Wow, where have I been?

I have not blogged since June 12th, and it feels like it was just a three days ago.  Its funny how time can pass and we do not have a real prospective on how long it been.  Especially when it is in relation to doing things we are not obligated to do in our jobs or immediate family relationships. I want to blog and I want to visit my extended family, but these wants always get pushed to the back of the obligations I have and often times it ends up being a shock when I stop and realize how long it has been. The real question that we face is how do we manage our lives, our obligations, and the things that we need and want so that nothing suffers.  I am not sure that this question will ever be answered with a solution that makes it all possible. One of the biggest problems of the human race, we have minds that allow us to explore vast amounts of information, have contact with many people and to have dreams and desires that are vast. On the other hand, our bodies and physical stamina only allow us to go so far before it stops us in our tracks. The old saying You can please most of the people some of the time. Some of the people most of the time, but none of the people all of the time and that includes ourselves.  We just need to work on being happier with what we can do, and know that most of the things that we feel like we need to do in order to keep the world rotating on its axis do not carry the weight we think they do. Everyone will be o.k. as long as we treat people the way we want to be treated,clean up after ourselves, and help take care of people that can't take care of themselves!

Holy Cow! oops Elephant!

One year older....

Yesterday was my birthday and I was one year older instantly. Funny how hard that instantly can hit you.  As if you were a whole year younger until the morning you wake up on your birthday.  Like I said before, perception is everything. I was feeling rather anxious the night before, but the next morning I was feeling better.  My boys gave me a great surprise, each of them purchased their own present and card for me.  The cards were very thoughtfully picked and each were a direct reflection of the relationship we have.  The gifts were also as thoughtful, things that reflected who I am, that they had noticed. I am proud of you boys and you made my day great!  My husband also did a great job and we had a great day togeather. My mother and brother and sister-in-law along with many residents and staff wished me Happy Birthday with voices and cards. I was princess for a day. I was reminded of how special I am to them and them to me, and nothing is better than that! Thank-you All!!