The Honeymoons over....

Like most honeymoons it was good while it lasted. I should have known how the day was gonna go after it was freezing cold and the heat in my car wouldn't come on as I was going to work.Things went downhill from there. The complaints started early, thus followed up by meetings and alot of paperwork. Seems like everyone pushes the limits of the rules, God forbid someone actually followed them without complaining! Numbers, worked with numbers all afternoon.  So many numbers I felt dizzy. It would be nice if I could make the financial numbers grow, and the weight numbers shrink, if I found the secret to lose weight, I wouldnt have to worry about finances...... America knows people pay to be thin.  Wish there were a trick.  Had a lot of stress today and of course overate. Some people can't eat when they are stressed, or sick or overly happy- unfortunately I am not one of them. Give me chocolate and let my endorphins run wild! Had an email incident with my boss.. again today.  Made me think about the saying are you really listening... or just waiting to speak?  When I first read that a few years ago, it made me pause.. did I really listen to what people were saying?  The answer was not what I expected, no, no I did not.  I spend my time thinking about what I wanted to say, or daydreaming about other things, and then I would frantically try to catch up or try to figure out the conversation.  Reading that quote made me realize how arrogant and selfish I was towards other people and what was important to them.  I was robbing them of their right to respect for having the floor so to speak. Its not that what they are saying may be that important but that they as a person deserve the right to be listened to.  It gave me a new perspective on people.  We all really just want to be heard. Now back to the boss thing. I am fiercely loyal, I work hard and I expect the same from those that work for me.  I try to encourage, help and allow growth with my staff, unfortunately that's not the case with all those in authority.  They tend to cloud every accomplishment with a but... looks good but.. did a good job but.....I appreciate it but.  Its a very arrogant, and self centered  and I would think lonely way to be. To live your life under the assumption that your contribution is needed as the final word to make the outcome of everything you come in contact with better.  I hope I will always continue to learn from others, and value what they contribute.  It takes all of us with all of our vast talents, needs and faults to make this world the never ending roller coaster that allows us to experience and learn from the bad and to relish and continually seek the good. Anyway, off my soap box...  finances took a turn for the worse... unexpected 800.00 decrease in January's income.  I am off to work on my budget........awe to sleep and dream about chocolate I mean carrots ...

And to Nadia repeat after me... the front yard is not a toilet... Its not good to be caught with your pants down on Main Street in the middle of morning rush hour. Remember to put your big girl panties on and keep them up in public! (Now it is about you too!)

Day three

Day three just happened to be a Monday and the first day of work after 11 days of vacation. Surprisingly, not as bad as I had imagined it would be. Fortunately my staff are veterans of the working world and not easily excited. This is the first staff I have had that were all of an older age, how nice it is to not be drying tears and changing diapers daily( maybe a little exaggerated).  We work with seniors and being older gives us a unique perspective on their daily challenges.  After spending 13 years working for the American Red Cross , working with seniors has been a welcome and rewarding change of pace.  The excitement never ends and the day passes so quickly its time to leave and you feel like you just arrived.  Its definitely not always rainbows and butterflies, we work hard but the personal satisfaction makes it worth it.  All the mush aside, I thought today would be the opposite of what I enjoy about my job and the embodiment of what makes it challenging. So on day three towards my journey of change it was a very welcome surprise.  Its nice to be needed and appreciated but being able to take time off without the sky falling when you get back-priceless . As stress is a trigger point of my overeating I was glad to be at a normal stress level today.  I didn't overeat but I certain I could and should have ate less.  I better get a little more motivated if my 3 pound goal by the end of the week is going to be met. Far as the finances go, grocery store again today for 88.00 that's a total of 400.00 in 3 days.  Time to drop the hammer on feeding frenzy that my college boys bring with them when they hit town and their entourage descends on the house for their midnight feedings (remember I am pretty sure they are vampires or maybe I could call them foodpires for devourers of food after dark). I did talk to my mother who suggested I consider carpooling with my sister in law who works near by.  I told her it was a great idea if our working hours are the same as I spend 100.00 a week in gas in my 1997 Suburban going to work. Guess I can count this conversation as movement towards my resolutions.  If it actually happens.. even better.  I paid my enormous electric bill, bought a bunch of gas and as stated earlier purchased more groceries.  I updated my financial spreadsheet (sounds impressive if the numbers were not so pathetic) caulk that up as a positive towards change. I made the spreadsheet yesterday for the entire year... lets hope I can update it every day.  I am going to track my eating today on my weight watchers again another positive.  With so many positives a negative is bound to be in my future.  I don't want to miss the mark on these resolutions again, I am running out of years in order to accomplish and perfect them.  I do not want to spend the rest of my life trying to beat these things.  As Winston Churchill said KBO (keep buggering on) stiff upper lip and all that rot. Same bat place, same bat channel this is Robin signing off until tomorrow.         

Day 2...

Ok I made it to day two.  Which is a miracle really considering the night I had. This is the lead in to meeting the pets of the family.  Mopsy a 17 year old pound puppy that talks, Bearfoot a 10 year old lab mix and Shilo a 1 year old Chihuahua.  Which are often referred to as small, medium and large.  About 3 months ago their bedrooms were moved from my husband and my bed to their beds in the living room.  Reason, keeping us from a good nights sleep. Bear walks the floor, Mopsy snores louder than any man and Shilo tunnels in and out of the covers all night to remedy his hot and cold status.  We had to stop putting Bear in with the other two as he can open doors and lets them out.  Apparently his partner in crime Mopsy learned that if she threw her weight against the french doors long enough the doors would open. So one hour after I went to bed and finally fell asleep, Mopsy starting scratching in a very demanding way to be let in.  I laid there hoping my husband ( other wise known as the sleeping dead) would take care of the situation but he never moved.  So I went to the door and yelled for the kids (who were still up.  I pretty sure my boys 23,20 and 15 are vampires, they stay up all night and sleep all day when school is out.) to come get her. She was then barricaded in the living room where she made it known for about an hour how unhappy she was with the current sleeping arrangements.  Awe... sleep again, but wait who is scratching at the door waking me up this time... its Shilo.  Call the kids, no answer,....um they learned from the first time that Mom might need something.  They stay quite (until I fall asleep again) and I put Shilo in the bed.  How annoying can a 4 lb dog be anyway? Well 397 times later of him crawling in the covers and out of the covers that question can be debated. Well morning came, my husband got up and released the hounds... Mopsy and Bear made their way up the stairs.  Time to get up.  Maybe I will get some sleep tonight.  So I have spend the day cooking, cleaning and yes contemplating my resolutions.  Finally got on the scale, what a shocker.  You would think that number, which is higher than my bank account would inspire me to run screaming and thus get some exercise...oh well maybe tomorrow. Worked on my budget, it always looks good on paper its when the reality of supporting a family of 5 plus 3 dogs and 1 cat, a $600.00 electric bill and 2 kids in college it goes to hell in a hand basket.  I wonder how long it will be before one of the kids informs me that there's nothing to eat in the house ( just bought 320.00 worth of groceries Saturday). Coupons here I come.  I feel like I really need to set a goal for the week so here its goes
-I want to lose 3 lbs this week and have 10.00 in my pocket that goes undetected.  We shall see... If you are out there reading see you tomorrow if not ignorance is bliss.

Happy New Year?..... Absolutely

Well here it goes, a year of putting down everything in my head to paper.  I decided that this may be the gateway to me being able to achieve some of my New Year resolutions.  It worth a try.  365 days is a very long time when you are trying to change and a very short time the older you get.
I figure all the time I spend on worrying about being upset over the things I want to change will give me plenty of time to try to make things actually change for the better.  I have fought these demons for a long time, Its time I get past this.  Its the best thing I can do for myself and my family.
The "LIST"...
*Physical Responsibility
*Fiscal Responsibility
Two of the biggest things that can be on a change list. Maybe with the imaginary followers of this blog or just the fact that I am writing it down and have to face my own faults it will inspire me.  Who knows but its worth a shot. They say that to change a habit it takes 300+ times to make it become something different.  So I guess I have 365 times to do this. One of my favorite sayings comes from a song.  "Life's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along".  I have compromised a lot in my life for the people I love and people I have just wanted to help. Its time for me to let the compromises be for me to move along, that way I will be able to continue in this life and be the best I can be.
So here I go, day one towards change.  I am actually making my first blog entry so that 1/365th of the journey over with.  See you...or just me tomorrow.  Either way its a start.

 A butterfly at the Johnson Homestead.